Melissa's LapBand Journey

Doing awesome!

2011-06-02T21:37:00.002-06:00

I'm at a great place in my journey. I'll have to come back and do a longer post about it later, but I'm really happy with how things are going and the things I am learning and doing. I'm almost down 40 lbs from my highest post-baby weight. It's been a lot of work, but I'm in it for the long haul.

Spring

2011-05-03T17:49:00.002-06:00

I'm still plugging along! I'm doing pretty well. The scale hasn't been moving as fast and so it's not as exciting to come and post about my progress, but I'm feeling really good. I've been running again. My running buddy and I have been running longer and longer. We usually do a total of 3 miles, broken up with some walking in between. Lately we've just been running out of time to get the whole thing in.

It has warmed up enough that we're running outside. It is a nice change. I'm liking Spring. It was a long winter!

I have learned that a couple of my fellow band sisters, banded by the same doctor as me have had their bands erode into their stomachs. Basically, the band wears a hole in your stomach and ends up inside it, either partially, or in one of their cases, the entire band was in her stomach. This is very serious and has resulted in the removal of those bands and other stomach repairs. The one I talked to about it has gastroparesis and has trouble eating and is in a lot of pain.

I haven't had any obvious signs of problems with my band. I am very grateful for that. I will certainly follow up with my doctor and get some tests done to verify that it's still in place, and not eroding etc. The band erosions can be caused by the way the bad was done, so it is significant that my surgeon's patients are experiencing problems.

Please understand that getting a Lapband is a huge decision. There are many who never have problems, but there are many who do have problems, some of them quite serious. When I researched the Lapband, I really had rose colored glasses on when looking for information. Because there is certainly a lot of negative info out there as well.

What I am learning is that the band won't fix you. It might help you get it. But you still have to get it. You still have to make hard food choices. You still have to choose to exercise and eat right. You still have to make the change from doing those things that make and keep you fat to doing those things that will lead to a leaner and healthier body. I'm not perfect, but I'm getting better all the time. I'm doing these things that will lead to a healthier body and at this point, it has nothing to do with my Lapband.

Time for an update

2011-03-13T19:41:00.002-06:00

I know I've said in the past that if I'm not posting I am probably struggling. Well, for once, that's not the case! I'm happy to say that I am continuing to make progress and get healthier.

My weight has continued moving downward, albeit slowly. I'm almost at 25 pounds lost since beginning the Game on! in December. I have every intention of continuing with it until I am at my goal weight.

I've realized I need to make some tweaks to it to speed things up. Currently the way I'm using the free day is causing me to lose too much ground to really be losing much weight. So I am working on some modifications.

I'm also getting back into the swing of running. I have been blessed with an amazing, good friend who invited me to be her workout partner and we've progressed from walking, to running a little, to running a good amount. We're working on doing a 5K in April. Just bought some new running shoes, so I'm committed. Those puppies are not cheap!

I have to be honest because this is a blog about my Lapband. I don't feel that my band is doing anything for me at this point in my journey. I'm at a medium restriction, and most of the time it doesn't affect how much I eat, only the length of time it takes me to eat.

Even though I have a Lapband, I don't believe that the ultimate state of losing weight involves extreme portion control. I have always believed that eating healthy foods in a reasonable portion size is the way we were meant to eat and is the optimum way to lose weight. Thankfully, I have gotten to a place that my band isn't controlling what I eat. I am. I actually feel so comfortable with where I am at right now, if I could, I would have my fluid removed.

I don't for a second think I would have been better off not getting a Lapband. The whole process of the surgery and lifestyle changes has been life altering for me. It wasn't until I began this process that I was able to finally see myself as someone who could sustain a healthy life and not be a fatty the rest of my life.

But the problem was pretty obvious once the effects of the band were gone with the removal of my fluid at the beginning of my pregnancy more than a year ago. Without that help, I gained weight and I gained it fast. Since having the baby, seeing that getting my band filled back up wasn't making much difference for me has really made me take a hard look at my habits and my attitude toward food.

I feel so blessed to be in a better place again. I'm making consistently good food choices and my body is responding.

Thanks for reading. Sorry my posting is so sporadic. :)

Starting round three

2011-01-30T16:31:00.001-07:00

We have started the third month of Game on! I lost 20.6 by the end of the second round. I am really loving having some loss finally! I feel great and hopeful that this is completely sustainable.

Still working hard

2011-01-14T09:30:00.001-07:00

These last two weeks have continued to be successful while playing the Game On! I am down 15.6 pounds total since December 1st. Feeling so glad to be doing this.

Holding steady

2010-12-29T09:11:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm a little disappointed that the second half of the month didn't yield better results, but I ended out the four-week challenge at the same 9 pounds down. Still, losing 9 pounds in December is a lot better than I have been doing. On to January!

9 pounds

2010-12-15T08:31:00.001-07:00

9 pounds. In December. I'm only halfway done with this month. Wow.

Progress

2010-12-14T09:51:00.002-07:00

Usually I gain weight during the holidays. Not this time. Playing this Game On! diet has been just the thing I've needed to get my mindset right and get my behaviors back in line and where they need to be. I've lost 6 pounds so far in December and plan to lose at least 10 by the month's end. I'm feeling so great.

The basics of this game are to eat 5 meals no closer than 2 and no further than 4 hours apart. They have to be of approved foods and consist of a healthy carb the size of your fist, a healthy protein the size of your palm and a healthy fat the size of your thumb. You also get 100 free calories a day, one meal off per week and one completely free day. I think that is helping me keep my sanity and have a little indulgence without completely feeling like I've blown it.

There are also points for changing a bad habit and developing a good one, drinking enough water, exercising, getting enough sleep and communicating with your teammates and opposing team members.

Something about the set up of this competition is really effective and it seems like nearly everyone is having success.

A good week

2010-12-07T23:12:00.002-07:00

I'm hopeful. I had a really good week. I started this Game On! challenge with some family members, mostly step family members. I've been able to follow the rules really well. I weigh in tomorrow to see how I've done for the first week weight loss total, but I think I'll have a good weight loss. I'm feeling stronger and more in control.

A month almost?

2010-11-28T21:51:00.002-07:00

Sheesh! Has it already been almost a month since I posted that? Wow.

Like I said before, if I'm not posting, it's not because I'm doing well. At this point it's because I'm still struggling to make any progress. Up and down and up and down and up the scale. It's been rough. I'm back to the same weight I was when I got my last fill. Or at least that's where I was before Thanksgiving. I haven't weighed myself in a few days.

As of December 1st, I'm going to be part of a group health challenge. It's based on the Game on! Diet book. It's similar to the one I did a year and a half ago, but it's more structured and strict. I think this will be just the thing to help me get back into the swing of things. It will be great, too to have it go through this month of holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. It can be a dangerous month indeed!

Scale Tales

2010-11-04T12:29:00.002-06:00

I think I'm making myself a little crazy with daily weigh ins. Still, it seems the best way to keep focused on what I'm doing.

I see fluctuations of as much as 7 pounds from one day to the next. I have had really great eating for the last two days. The morning after the first day my weight went up a few pounds. No worries. I know I'm doing the right things for my body, so I just keep going. This morning, my weight was down 7 pounds from that weight, for a total of 6 pounds lost since my fill. Hopefully I can keep things going in a downward trend.

It's working!

2010-10-22T11:26:00.001-06:00

Down 4 pounds now, since my fill. Yay!!

The wonderful thing is that I think I can maintain this level of eating. It feels normal with effort made to make good choices.

:)

2010-10-21T21:19:00.002-06:00

I did so well today! I'm really happy. I was able to not snack much between lunch and dinner.

I also had a victory of sorts with sweets. My girls are out of school today and wanted a snack. I decided to make them some no-bake cookies. I had two of them and then took a nap. I asked my oldest daughter to have them put away in a container somewhere hidden when I woke up so I wouldn't eat any more. It worked. I was totally in control of what I ate of those.

We also went for a walk as a family today. The weather was absolutely perfect. I've really been enjoying this beautiful fall here.

Doing well!

2010-10-21T13:08:00.002-06:00

Things are going well since this last fill. I'm able to make better food choices and get full faster. I love it.

One area I need to work on is afternoon, between lunch and dinner. That's probably where I get the most calories of the day. If I can distract myself during this time, I think I'll be able to get fewer calories in.

I've lost one pound since the fill. Here's hoping for many more of those.

Still here!

2010-10-18T00:02:00.004-06:00

You can pretty much count on the fact that if I'm not posting much it's because I am struggling. This last year has been so hard. It was about a year ago that I found out I was pregnant. Because of my choices and circumstances I have lost so much ground on the weight battle. I thought I could get the weight off fairly easily after Aaron was born, but not so. I have struggled and struggled and the weight I lost right after he was born is coming back on, slowly but surely.

I'm not going to say that I can't do this weight loss thing without the help of the Lapband, but the truth is, I haven't. I haven't, in my adult life, been successful at losing weight or let's be honest, even maintaining my weight without the band. So I'm going to stop being stubborn and wishing that I am the same as everyone else and just take advantage of the band and the knowledge I have gained from having it.

I have had two fills over the last few weeks. The band holds 10 ccs of saline. The first fill I got was 2 ccs. I had a little bit of restriction, but not much. This second one I was able to get 3 ccs of fluid in. (She suggested 1cc, but I asked for 3 and she agreed.) I have had one day of regular eating since this fill. I'm able to tell a significant difference.

I am not nearly as restricted as I was pre-pregnancy, but I'm at a good level. I can eat without a lot of trouble, but I do get full quicker and stay satisfied longer. I feel a great relief to some of the struggle.

I need to be careful about my food choices, or this won't make a lick of difference. I think I'm going to write out a food plan for the week. I'm going to plan my meals in advance so that I'm not standing in front of the fridge wondering what I should eat. That tends to lead to poor choices.

I have become lax on a few band guidelines over the last year. I'm going to recommit to following them better:

Not drinking with meals. I was so good at this before. I need to get back to it.

Focusing on protein. My food needs to be protein dense for the most part.

I made a yummy protein packed treat tonight. I blended a cup of 1% milk fat cottage cheese till it was smooth and then added it to 1 package of Sugar Free Pistachio Pudding and 1 cup of 1% milk. I divided it up into four servings. Each serving had nine grams of protein. It was like pudding, but thicker and creamier. I topped it off with a little light spray whipped cream.

My exercise lately has been mostly the basic T-tapp workout. I think I am going to add some walking videos to it. It's getting colder and it's hard to get outside with the kids. I've also had some ankle pain that has kept me from walking much. I hurt it about a month ago and it's still not 100% better.

I anticipate that I will be doing better than I have been, so I'm likely to post more often. Stay tuned!

Moving along

2010-08-13T11:55:00.003-06:00

Well, after three different sets of family visiting, having a wonderful time with them and enjoying way too much yummy food, I'm almost back to the weight I was before the visits. It is crazy to me how fast I gain weight. Though, this time, as soon as I got back on track it has come off fast as well.

I'm still hoping to reach my first weight goal by September 1st. I've also exercised 4 days in a row, successfully. I can feel my stamina and my strength returning. Yay!

10 %

2010-07-29T00:33:00.002-06:00

I just read a great article that I'm sure I read a while back. It says to break down your weight-loss goals into more manageable chunks. Start with setting a goal to lose 10% of your body weight. Then once you're there, do it again, only this time your 10% will be a smaller number. Keep it up in these small steps until you're at goal.

Here is the article.

I like this approach. I'm needing something to help me feel more successful on this journey.

I seem to have a 2 week cycle. I can do pretty well on my eating for about two weeks and by the end of my second week I'm back to square one. Unfortunately, my weight seems to follow right along with me.

I haven't made any real progress with my weight loss or fitness. I keep coming back to my bad habits. I have come to realize I cannot eat that way and not expect to gain weight. I have to stay vigilant or I will not be successful.

My baby is seven weeks old. It seems like such a short time, but at the same time, I am ready to be back on track and making progress. It is time.

Next step is exercise--Exercise, what's that? It seems so daunting at this point. My sister is coming to visit me next week. I asked her to help me get back on track exercising while she's here. She is amazing. She's running a half-marathon on Sunday. I walk around my house or maybe the grocery store on occasion. I need to move more in her direction. :) I still have the goal to run a 5K on or around Thanksgiving this year. That's run, not walk! I will do it. No excuses.

Pretty good

2010-07-10T09:00:00.003-06:00

I'd say things are going pretty good. Not great. Not poorly. Just pretty good. I've been able to stay out of sweets a lot better than I had thought I might. I've got to make some more changes though, because my weight isn't responding as quickly as I thought.

I've been down six pounds so far, but my weight is really bouncy! It fluctuates quite a bit. Right now it's inexplicably back up to higher than I started. It's not because I'm eating poorly, so I'm not really worried about it, but still, it should be going down faster and more consistently. That means I'm probably eating too much of not good-enough food.

I do pretty well at getting my fruits and veggies in. I know I'm still eating too many refined carbs; crackers, bread, pasta, rice, etc. I'm a rock star at getting my water in. I'm consistently getting 80 oz of water a day, often more.

So I'm going to try tracking my calories for a few days to get a feel for how many I am eating and where I need to make changes to get things moving faster.

I've done a handful of exercise sessions. I'm surprised at how out of shape my body is. Walking is still hard for me. T-tapp was hard, but I feel like it's about the level I'm at right now.

My official weigh-in day is Monday, so we'll see how I'm doing by then.

Ready

2010-06-30T15:10:00.003-06:00

Well, I'm back. I'm ready to get this weight off and get back to my pre-baby size. So here we go!

As of right now I have no fill in my band. The nearest fill-doctor is over four hours away, so as of right now, I'm going to see what I can do on my own without having it filled. If I get stuck and can't lose any more, then I will look into getting fluid put back in my band.

Honestly, I don't miss the restrictions of the band as far as having to eat slowly and some foods that I can't tolerate. If I can do this without having to get that restriction, I think I will enjoy the eating aspect of my life much more.

So as I posted before, I gained way more weight with this pregnancy than I had ever intended to. It ended up being about 75 lbs. So, right now, in order to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I have 50 pounds left to lose. Yay for already being 25 pounds down from my baby's birth three weeks ago!

I have tried to exercise a couple of times since baby was born, but both times I ended up in pain and really worn out. I think I was jumping the gun just a bit. I went for a walk around the neighborhood. I didn't make it more than about half a mile either time. My abdominal muscles were very weak and sore throughout. I will try again soon and see if I'm ready yet.

My biggest problems that have caused my weight gain are not exercising and eating too many sweets. So this week, I started back on not eating sweets. I will allow myself one occasion of sweet-eating per week. (Like a party, or movie, etc.) I'm on day three of no desserts and down four pounds so far. Not bad results. It really shows me that sweets make a huge difference in my weight.

So I will be posting much more regularly to keep myself accountable and update you on my progress. Stay tuned!

Baby Boy is here!

2010-06-12T22:31:00.004-06:00

Our baby was born this last week. Feeling very happy and blessed.

And end in sight

2010-05-11T17:56:00.003-06:00

For both the hotel stay and the pregnancy!

We found a house to live in. It's a rental here in town and it's just right for what we need. We will be moving next week if all goes well.

I'm just over 4 weeks away from my due date. In fact, I just realized I'm due one month from today. It's been a long pregnancy. I'll be glad to get on with post-pregnancy life!

Getting some exercise in

2010-04-08T23:27:00.003-06:00

So I haven't been very good about exercising since becoming pregnant. I don't have any good reasons, but I just haven't done it as often as I should. Now that I have a big ol' pregnant belly and waddle a bit, it seems odd to be getting back to it, but I have been. I've gone walking three days recently. I started with one mile on the treadmill. I start having contractions if I walk too fast, so it's a fairly slow pace compared to my old pace, but still challenging. The next two times I did 1.5 miles each time. Today I even increased my incline a little to switch things up. I'm careful to back off speed or incline if I feel like it's too much.

After the baby comes, I would love to get back to work with the workouts. I will have to do a Couch to 5K regimen again. I've committed to run 5K on Thanksgiving and gotten my siblings to join in. Not sure where we'll all be for that holiday, but we can all do it wherever we are.

The suite life

2010-04-02T21:49:00.002-06:00

Well, sort of. We're in Montana, in the hotel. We have been here about a week. The girls are in school, Brad is working and we are looking for a home. We are eating out most meals. I try to make the best choices I can, but it's not always ideal. At least it's temporary.

I have about 10 weeks left in this pregnancy. I'm excited to meet this little guy. I'm also excited to get back on track with my weight and health. I've gotten my weight down once, I can do it again and I don't have nearly as far to go this time.

Moving again

2010-02-07T23:01:00.002-07:00

Yes, we are serial movers!

This time is for real, though. My hubby got a promotion and we are moving to North Eastern Montana. It is very cold, very remote, and a very small town. It has taken some getting used to for me to get excited about going there, but I'm there now. Life is just full of change and growth.

At least this time the company will move us, so it will be a lot less work on our end. It's been a while since we have done a long-distance move. This should be interesting.

Checking in

2010-02-01T21:36:00.003-07:00

Wow, it's like pulling teeth to get myself to come over here and post. I've gotten lots of comments online and in real life that people miss hearing from me, so here I am. I do appreciate all the support and love from my friends.

This blog has been about so much exciting change in my life, it's hard to write about when the change is not exciting. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to be pregnant and don't mind some changes to my body for this purpose. But the whole last two years of my life have been this incredible ride of change and discovery and heading down the scale while my self-esteem has gone up. It's hard to be going the other direction. There's no high. There are sighs of frustration when I step on the scale only to see it going up and up and up. (I am not weighing very often, just before I go to the doctor so I can prepare myself.) There are realizations that things are harder now because I'm not only pregnant, but heavier. I am having a hard time with my clothes. I have a few maternity things that fit, but not a lot and there's still some issues with some of the ones that do fit. I just don't feel beautiful or confident in my physical self right now.

I'm also going to quit reporting how much weight I have gained. I reserve the right as a pregnant lady to not broadcast my weight. :) I will just summarize it by saying that I've already gained more than I wanted to my whole pregnancy. I've gained more than I have with my other children. It's frustrating. It has come on so fast. I know that I'm at fault because I haven't stuck to being as healthy as I can be. I know I have to give myself some leeway because I'm pregnant, but not so much that I use it as an excuse to forget everything I have learned.

I did pretty good on my goals for January for the first two weeks, not so well the second two weeks. It's nice to have a new month to start over.

I had a conversation with someone today that totally caught me off guard, but was a huge blessing. We were talking about things going on in my life, nothing too heavy and he asked me if I was doing okay. He said I seemed like I was really run down. That I seemed to be at the end of my rope. To my surprise I started to cry. I hadn't realized it was that obvious, but I am having a really hard time with the weight gain as well as some potential changes coming up for our family that I will mention if they pan out. It was good for me, I guess, to realize how stressed I am right now and to let it out a bit.

This person then went on to tell me that he'd been thinking a lot about me and my story lately because he has decided to get dedicated to becoming physically fit. He is going to start running and has some pretty big goals as far as races to train for. So he, in turn, inspired me after being inspired by me.

So I went to my car, cried a little more, then decided instead of wallowing in my sadness and frustration to go to the gym and get on the treadmill. It felt good to be taking charge of my situation, rather than moaning and whining about poor me, gaining too much weight.

I made some healthier choices today as far as snacks, etc. I'm not eating out of control like I was during the holidays, but I'm not eating carefully either. Having my fluid out of my Lapband and eating full portions of regular food is probably part of the weight gain as well.

I'm very grateful to know that the band is there ready and waiting for me when I'm done with the pregnancy and ready to start losing serious weight again.

So for baby news:

I am a little over halfway through my pregnancy. The ultrasound shows that we're having a boy. I have been feeling him kick for the last couple of weeks. I love feeling the little flutters. I can even watch the surface of my skin sometimes and see my belly move with the little kicks. It will be fun when they are strong enough for the rest of the family to feel them or even see them. I have some cute ultrasound pictures that I will share.

New year and new goals

2010-01-04T11:23:00.002-07:00

Hi again.

Time to face the music. This last month has not been kind to me, weight-wise. I've gained pretty close to 20 pounds in the last month. Unbelievable! That's enough to scare me straight. I acknowledge that much of it may be pregnancy caused, but certainly not all of it. I know my poor eating and lack of exercise has caused a lot of it.

My goals for right now can really only involve my actions, not controlling the results on the scale. So, for the month of January, I'm going to exercise every week day, for a total goal of 21 days.

Also, no sweets or desserts until Valentine's Day. I will have some on that occasion, then no more again until Easter. I'm sure much of my weight gain is chocolate-related.

I will also try to make healthier food choices, but I honestly think the above two goals are the crux of my problem right now, so getting that under control will help a lot.

I will try to blog more often to keep myself more accountable. Must not gain crazy amounts of weight any more.

Enjoying being able to eat again!

2009-12-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

So it really feels like I don't have a band at all. He took out 7.8 ccs. I didn't realize there was that much fluid in there.

One thing I'm really appreciating is being able to eat in a shorter amount of time. If I have to leave in 20 minutes and still need to eat breakfast, I can do it. Before the unfill there was no way! I would have had to take it with me.

I'm not doing so great on food choices right now. Not horrible, but not good.

I think I've gained at least five pounds in the week since he took the fluid out. I'm not surprised. I'm eating at least twice what I was consuming before which wasn't enough.

I'm really enjoying being able to eat things like grapes, oranges, apples with peels, etc. Not that all my choices are that healthy, but I really am glad to be able to eat again.

I know it's going to be a major adjustment to get restriction again. It won't be until July next year at least. That's a long ways off! I am very grateful that I have the band and that it could be adjusted so I could eat. If I had a non-adjustable form of WLS, I would just end up having trouble for the whole nine months. Although it may not have tightened up like the band did. Who knows.

Oh, by the way, my heartburn is completely gone. It was just the band being too tight. Now I know what to look for in the case of an overfill. Not fun.

How do you spell relief?

2009-12-02T23:13:00.002-07:00

Wow. I feel amazing. I was able to eat dinner tonight without stopping and breathing deep and saying, "I hurt." It was great. A too-tight band is not my friend!

I won't need to follow up with my surgeon until after the baby is born and I'm ready to get the band filled back up.

Now if I can just keep from gaining oodles of weight with this pregnancy we'll be good to go!

Getting it all out

2009-11-29T20:52:00.002-07:00

This week I'm going to see my surgeon and get all the fluid taken out of my band. I haven't been able to eat properly for the last few weeks. The heartburn isn't bothering me right now, but I've been taking Nexium, so that's probably why.

I've had a hard time eating much of anything solid. It's been rough. I do not like being so tight. Two bites and I'm full? Painfully full? Even sometimes drinking plain liquid, (warm tea, or water even) is painful. That's not what the band has been for me. So, I'm just going to go ahead and get the fluid removed. Hopefully that will help with both the acid reflux and not being able to eat.

I've gained about 7-10 pounds. I'm sitting right around 200 on my home scale. Not too bad. It's still hard to see my weight going up.

I've been feeling a bit of depression trying to seep into my life. I know I need to kick it in the butt with good nutrition and exercise. It might take a bit to get there, but I will get on a good schedule again.

Surgeon's Visit

2009-11-05T10:44:00.001-07:00

My surgeon's visit was great. He was very happy with how I look and how I'm doing. I was about 200 last time I was there, I've gotten as low as 188 and am back around 200 again. I weighed exactly 200 at his office. (Deep breaths!) But apparently I look different to him, so that's cool.

He said since I'm not having issues with vomiting or extreme band tightness, he'll just leave my fill until my third trimester at which point he'll take all the fluid out. Won't that be weird? I haven't even had to have an unfill yet, so I haven't gone backwards on restriction except for the natural fluctuations in the band and weight loss.

He said one of the biggest issues for pregnant ladies is the port bothering them. Since my port is detached, it should be just fine. He said he has actually removed ports from two pregnant women. One of them he put back in shortly after the baby came and the other one he said decided to just get her band out because 6 months after baby she hadn't put any weight back on. She was confident in her new lifestyle.

Last night I woke up with burning in my throat from acid reflux. I used to have that a lot before my surgery, but it was under control with Nexium. After surgery I was able to stop taking the Nexium. So last night I got up and took a Nexium and drank some Alka Selzer Heartburn Relief. Looks like the surgery helped me with run-of-the-mill heartburn, but maybe not pregnancy-induced heartburn.

I've been so tired I haven't been exercising lately, but with the beautiful weather today (74) I think we're going to have to go for a family walk!

Life is changing

2009-10-30T17:53:00.003-06:00

Big news at our house. We've got a baby on the way. We are very excited. This will be child number 4. I'm feeling a little sick, but nothing to complain too much about. I'm a little nervous about weight gain and pregnancy and the band, but we'll get it all figured out. I'll let you know along the way how things are going.

I'm probably due in June. I'll be going to both the band and regular doctors this coming week.

Answering a question

2009-09-08T21:44:00.002-06:00

Anonymous said...

Melissa,

How do you get back on track or better yet get started when you don't have the right mind set? What gets you there?

Anyonymous,

I thought I would respond here because you've asked a good question. Getting started for mehappened because I hit my breaking point with being fat. I had enough and realized there wasn't any chance of me losing weight by doing what I'd always done. I had to make a huge change and I did. Because the change I made was so drastic, there was no looking back for me. The decision to have lapband surgery was a decision to live a healthy life for the rest of it. It's not always easy and I do fall sometimes.

Basically it's a daily process of getting back up and dusting myself off. I have realized that I can be healthy, but it takes a constant effort and focus to keep on track. If one day is bad, then the next day has to be better. Sometimes I feel really strong and have several good days in a row. Doing challenges is better helping me to be on track.

But really, you have to see it as a life-long pursuit. There is no going on or off a diet. It's a change you make and it needs to be a permanent one.

I also pray a lot. I pray for strength and determination. It helps.

Hope those words were helpful.

Body For Life begins

2009-09-05T07:16:00.002-06:00

We have started the Body For Life program. My sister and husband and I are all doing it together. We started on Monday. I'm thrilled with how this week has gone. I have lost 8 pounds somehow. I think there's definitely been some retained water that I've lost. My husband has stuck with it really well, too. He didn't actually weigh to start with, so I'm not sure what his weight has done.

We have entered a new world of weight lifting! Part of this program has you do weights, three times a week. We did two upper body and one lower body work out. We're like a couple of goofs in the gym trying to figure out which machines do what, looking at the pictures in our Body For Life book, and then trying to figure out what weights are best. I'm glad we live in a small town and have a really low-key gym because I don't really feel conspicuous here. It's really nice.

I really like the aerobics part of this program. You do three days a week of 20 minute aerobic workouts. You workout according to intensity level, scale of 1-10. Whatever fitness level you are at and whatever activity you're doing, will work with this program. You start with two minutes of an intensity level of 5. Then you do a minute each of levels 6-9. You repeat that three times, the last time you get to 9 and then the next minute you go all out and go to 10 for one minute. Then one minute of 5 cool down and you're done. I feel like I'm getting so much more done in a 20 minute workout than I was in 45-60 minutes at a slower pace.

We took before pictures, but didn't take measurements. I think we will probably do those this weekend so we have some way to gauge our progress besides the scale and looks.

Recent pictures

2009-08-24T20:51:00.005-06:00

We had a friend take some pictures of us on the way to church on Sunday. Well, the field of sunflowers wasn't exactly on the way to church, but you get the idea.

And the music gets louder. . .

2009-08-24T11:12:00.003-06:00

I have been avoiding my blog the last while because I haven't been eating great and I didn't want to post about it.

Vacation was fun and I had a vacation from worrying about what I'm eating. It's been hard to get back on track. The other day was a particularly bad day. By the end of the day I felt like I had been so out of control it really scared me. I determined the next day would be better.

By 1:00 p.m the next day. I still hadn't allowed myself to eat anything because I didn't trust myself to make good choices. I decided that was stupid and had a protein shake to start my day of eating off. I actually did really well. The next day was also much better.

One of the things I did to help myself get back on track was to go back and re-read my entire blog from the beginning. I was reminded of my mindset from all those months ago. I really needed a readjustment back to focusing on making choices because they are healthy instead of making choices because they fit a certain plan or program. (I'm referring to the Health and Wellness Challenge I did for 12 weeks that ended just prior to my last vacation.)

During the challenge, I found myself working around the rules and eating things that weren't necessarily healthy, but still qualified for the rules of the program. For example: No Sugar Added ice cream fit the bill of No Sugar, but it was certainly not a healthy food to be consuming because it still had a lot of fat and calories. So I began seeking out treats that would qualify within the guidelines of the challenge.

Well, once the challenge ended, I was free to seek out treats that were no longer forbidden. Add that freedom to vacation and it quickly became a problem. It just became a constant mindset of "What treat can I have next? " I was always seeking out what there was yummy to eat next. Totally pre-band mentality. I cannot go there again and continue or even maintain losing weight.

So the scale reflected all of this struggle. The morning after my particularly bad day my weight was up several pounds. I didn't even want to know, but not knowing was scarier to me. So after 2 days of better eating, I'm back down a few of those, but still not back to my lowest, or even my lower numbers. I'm going to give myself a week and then I'll readjust my ticker to where I really am.

I really tend to avoid posting when I am struggling, but I don't want to give a false impression that things are always easy and that there aren't still obstacles and struggles. There are. I just need to remember that I'm in this battle for life.

Early on in my blogging, I said "In this weight loss marathon, I still need to keep jogging, not slow down for a walk, or even sit to rest." I found those words very profound the other day when I read them. What I've done recently is slow down to a walk and even sat down to rest for a while--even taking a few steps backwards. I need to move forward and that is what I am doing and plan on continuing to do.

Facing the Music

2009-08-17T21:55:00.003-06:00

Hello again.
The last few weeks have been a vacation of sorts. A vacation from regular life and a vacation from worrying about what I'm eating.

Luckily my weight hasn't suffered much. I would like to get back on track, though.

I did win 3rd place in the Health Challenge. :) The sloppy eating came after that was over.

I went for a walk today. I walked a mile to the high school track, ran one mile on the track and walked the mile back home. Felt pretty good. I didn't exercise much last week, so I've got to get back in the habit.

School starts next week so that will help our daily routine to be more consistent.

:)

2009-07-25T09:45:00.002-06:00

I haven't felt like posting about my weight lately because it keeps going up and down. I'll see a low number, then I'll have my free day and my weight goes up 2, 3, 4 pounds. It's crazy-making. I know, it seems obvious, stop having free days! :) I'm working on it.

Anyway, this morning my weight was 188. I'm really happy with that number. Now if I can just keep it there, that'll be great.

I might go to the pool with my family this afternoon. Me in a swimsuit is an interesting thing. I'm not as embarrassed as I used to be, but there's still a lot of stuff I'd rather hide under clothing--baggy skin and cellulite on the legs, waggly arms, etc. But I try to just forget about it and enjoy a smaller, lighter body, even if I'm no swimsuit model.

Brad on a temple trip

2009-07-19T21:56:00.001-06:00

Brad took an SUV load of branch members to the temple yesterday. He was gone pretty much all day long. It was a pretty big deal for our little branch. I think we had ten members there, though some drove themselves. Brad's vehicle had 6, I think.

It's been a good day.

(Oops, this was meant to be a post on my private journal blog. No reason to delete it, but just so you know! :) )

Ending a good week

2009-07-17T22:20:00.001-06:00

I'm back from vacation and doing pretty good with my eating and exercising. I have had perfect points so far on my health challenge this week. It's much easier to do when you're back in your own world.

I have started adding protein shakes back into my diet. I used them a lot at first and tapered off, but I have felt like I need some more protein. My weight is down a couple of pounds today, so we'll see if that's why!

I also tried something new this week. I did interval training for my run. That entailed walking for three minutes, sprinting for one minute, walking one, sprinting one, until I couldn't do any more. It ended up being about 1.5 miles. The funny thing is, even though the amount of time I actually ran was much less than I usually do, my legs were very sore the following day. I also was extremely fatigued after the run. It felt good. It would be interesting to do that outside with a stopwatch. This was on the treadmill.

More reflections

2009-07-09T22:30:00.002-06:00

I spent a little time this evening in my old neighborhood where I lived three years ago. It was very interesting to be there where I spent a lot of time gaining weight and being depressed. I am in such a different place now, and feel so much better.

I also met up with a couple of ladies from a lapband support message board. We all had surgery the same month. We're all at different places in our journey, but overwhelmingly I think we are all happy with our progress and happy with our bands.

37

2009-07-08T00:54:00.001-06:00

I turned 37 today. I am so grateful for my life and my family. I am so loved and blessed. I am so grateful to have had my surgery and had so many changes in my life. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Going back

2009-07-06T00:07:00.001-06:00

A friend once told me that you don't realize how much you've changed and grown until you go back home, or back to where you came from.

Yesterday we went to the St. Louis Arch for the fireworks display. This isn't the first time we've made that trek. It's usually about a 1/2 to 1 mile walk from wherever we have parked to get to the Arch. Doing that at over 300 pounds was really hard. It was usually very hot and humid and I dreaded that part of our adventure every year.

Well, yesterday was so amazing. We walked it and I don't even think I broke a sweat. It was almost effortless. I had run a 5 K that morning, shaving 4 minutes off my time from last fall. I just felt so amazing. I told my husband that I was so happy I wanted to cry. Things start to feel normal and then you do something like this and really realize how far you've come. I'm so blessed to be where I am right now.

Volleyball

2009-07-02T22:16:00.001-06:00

We played volleyball tonight with my sister and her husband and some of their friends. It was very fun. I loved the freedom of being able to play without my body slowing me down. Well, my back did bug me a bit, but basically it was really great.

We ran three miles this morning as well. It was hard because there were hills and I'm not used to that, being from Kansas. It feels great to get so much physical activity in.

Beautiful evening walk

2009-07-01T21:43:00.002-06:00

Tonight I went for a very nice walk in my sister's neighborhood. The weather was perfect. Not hot or cold. There were fireflies (aka lightening bugs) and bunnies hopping, and birds in the trees. It was just really pleasant. I walked over to the park where softball games were happening and made a loop around the fields. It's so nice to be able to be physically active. Every day I do some activity that I am very aware is much easier because I have less body mass. I am so grateful to be where I am.

Getting ready for our trip

2009-06-27T13:19:00.002-06:00

We're heading to St. Louis to see my sister again. She and I are going to run a 5k together again. She did a half-marathon a few weeks ago, so she's progressed a whole lot from where we were last fall. It'll be fun to see her race. I will be happy to complete the race and I hope my time is better than I did last fall. I'm not stressed about it at all. I'm just glad my hip is doing fine and that I'm able to run these days.

I have high hopes that this will be a great and healthy vacation since we're both trying to focus on the health and wellness challenge. We should be able to support each other in our goals.

Well, I need to get packing. Hopefully I'll touch base while I'm there.

Social eating

2009-06-24T21:45:00.002-06:00

I've become aware that I'm very much a social eater. After having surgery, it was somehow very important to me that I not appear to be eating way different than everyone else. I want people to see what I eat and realize that for the most part I eat fairly normally. I eat less than I once did, but not like a bird or a toddler.

One of the results of this tendency is to usually enjoy some dessert while at public events. It's just part of the atmosphere and part of the whole social thing, so I usually have some of whatever is being served for dessert.

Well today I challenged that. I went to my husband's work for a lunch-time barbecue and successfully didn't have any dessert or chips. I had a bratwurst without the bun and some salad. I hadn't completely made up my mind about whether or not to have any treats and I just found that I was able to not have any and be okay with that.

A year ago this wouldn't have been any big deal because I was going without junk much more consistently, but it has crept back into my life somewhat and so it is a battle I continue to wage.

Looks like I've still got it!

2009-06-22T15:47:00.000-06:00

I just ran 3.1 miles on the treadmill at the gym. It's been a long time since I've done that much. It really feels good to accomplish that. Woo hoo.

Aaaah. Much better.

2009-06-22T00:17:00.003-06:00

Today was a whole lot better. I didn't have any sweets, etc. I feel a lot better. I didn't drink as much water as I want to be drinking. I'll work on that tomorrow. Here's hoping for a great week.

Ugh

2009-06-20T20:26:00.001-06:00

Yeah, Ugh. I did not eat well today. At all. Did get my fruits and veggies in and my water, along with the rest of the crap I ate. Oh well. Tomorrow is a new day.

5K again

2009-06-15T23:15:00.001-06:00

I think I'm going to run another 5K on the 4th of July. We're going to visit my sister and her family for a couple of weeks and we'll be in St. Louis during that time. I guess I should figure out how to get registered and get that done soon. I also need to get my distance back up to make sure I can to it with no problem. I ran today for about 2.25 miles. So I have some work to do.

New picture

2009-06-13T11:49:00.000-06:00

Here's our family yesterday in our new living room.

Walking

2009-06-12T23:22:00.003-06:00

I went for a nice walk today over to the Weather Service. It's only across a field from our house, but going there and back took me my whole 45 minutes. It was a beautiful day today--sunny, but not hot. Maybe I'll go running tomorrow. We'll have to see.

Finished off a great week.

2009-06-07T21:26:00.002-06:00

I know on the calendar that Sunday is the first day of the week, but somehow it feels like the end of the week for me. This was a good week. I had a lot of good days. I'm feeling good about where I am food-wise and fitness-wise. I'm hoping to see more of the 180's this week.

Actual new post

2009-06-05T21:09:00.002-06:00

So here's today's actual post:

For exercise today we walked to and from the library. I think it's about a mile one-way. Then we went to the swimming pool for two hours. So between all of that I think I got my required 45 minutes for the day. I'm exhausted tonight. Sleep is going to feel good.

Several posts in one

2009-06-05T21:06:00.001-06:00

I kept journaling even when our internet connection was down, so here are some of the days:

June 2, 2009

I’m so excited! I saw 189 on the scale today after my workout. Eeek! I haven’t been this weight in at least 12 years. It really gives me hope that this process isn’t over.

June 3, 2009

Oh, wow. 187 this morning. This is awesome. I’m wondering if the increase in water intake is the reason for my sudden drop in weight. I’ve also had a lot of physical exertion with the move and everything. I’ve also stuck pretty good to my wellness challenge, so I know that’s helping. Losing weight is so motivating to want to continue making good choices so it will continue. Yay!

I ran at the GAC yesterday for the first time in a couple of weeks. It felt great. I think I need to keep doing that often.

June 4, 2009

Been doing great. Enjoying the new house. I had my free day today. Didn’t go totally crazy, but had more junk than I would like. I feel like crap after eating crap. Duh.

Had a hard workout tonight. For some reason I didn’t feel like I had much strength. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Tired--good tired

2009-05-30T00:33:00.000-06:00

I worked pretty much all day today packing and moving. I am amazed at the amount of energy, motivation and stamina that I have. It is truly a blessing to not be so overweight and having to rest often in order to keep going. I'm profoundly grateful for my new body and life.

Tomorrow is the big move day and then there's a lot of unpacking and Monday cleaning the house we're leaving. Lots of exercise, so that's good. :) Good night!

Goal met!

2009-05-28T08:18:00.002-06:00

Not my ultimate goal, but a stop along the way. I have always wanted to weigh less than my husband and this morning I do! By two pounds, even! I told him he has to stay where he is so I can keep getting further away from his weight. Now I need to figure out what my next mini-goal should be. Probably seeing the 180s.

There it is again

2009-05-26T21:12:00.002-06:00

I was right in my previous post. I am back down to 192 this morning. I was going to stop weighing myself every day, but I'm still doing it. It doesn't drive me crazy if the numbers are moving! :) I just needed to be patient and let my body do its thing.

Keeping busy moving stuff. Life is crazy right now.

Realization

2009-05-24T08:05:00.002-06:00

I realized something this morning as I was thinking about my weight. The Friday before my free day last week I weighed 192. It was my lowest yet. Pretty exciting, right? Well, then I had my day- of-lots-of-eating and haven't ever seen it since. My lowest is 194 since then. I've been frustrated with myself because I feel like it's all my fault and I messed up that progress. While there is probably some truth to that, there's another factor that I had forgotten. The truth is, that is how I lose weight. I hang out at one weight for a while, then see a dip to a new low. The number almost always goes back up for a few days to even a week or two, and eventually I make it back down to that number and beyond. Eating aside, that's just how my body seems to do weight loss. So I patiently wait for those numbers to make another appearance.

This was a good week. I used my free points more wisely and didn't go completely overboard with them. I can't wait to see what this next week will bring.

Shirts

2009-05-22T23:37:00.002-06:00

Brad was doing laundry and he mistakenly hung one of Rachel's (age 11) shirts in my closet. Twice. Talk about an ego boost!

I even borrowed a half slip from Rachel a couple of Sundays ago. It was pretty short, but fit around my waist without cutting off my circulation. (I think it was an adult size Small.)

We're having a garage sale tomorrow and the next week will be consumed with packing the house for our move (across town.) It's a lot of work, but it's good physical activity. I went running this morning anyway, though, just to feel like I'm getting official exercise in.

Dear Diary

2009-05-20T12:07:00.000-06:00

I've got to keep up with my journal entry point for the day, so here I am. :)

Things are busy, but going well. I went running this morning. I haven't been in a while, so it was good to get out and run. I went for two miles.

The challenge is great for keeping me focused and accountable. I also think I'm going to stop weighing every day. I'm seeing a lot of fluctuation, both up and down and it's driving me crazy. Once a week should be enough for now.

We have a garage sale on Saturday and we're moving across town the next Saturday, so I need to get busy!

Reflections on my weekend

2009-05-17T23:15:00.000-06:00

Saturday we went to the park with the kids. I swung on one of the swings there at the park. My hips weren't entirely comfortable, but I totally fit. Then, I spent a good 15-20 minutes going up the stairs and down the slides. First it was with Adam, then eventually I was just following him around and going down because it was fun/to get my exercise in for the day. :)

I used Saturday as my free day and therefore didn't make myself follow the no sweets rule, or the no junk food rule. I'll tell you, I didn't feel good at the end of the day and I felt even worse this morning when the scale read the same thing it did last Monday, the first day of the challenge! Ick. We'll have to see what tomorrow brings. I know there are diets out there that allow and encourage one day a week off, but if I'm going to do that, I need to not pig out so much. Oink, oink.

Day 4

2009-05-15T22:03:00.002-06:00

Still plugging along, making good choices. It's funny, but having made the commitment to this challenge has really changed my behavior. I still have to try hard, but it's really helping. Pounds are coming off, too. 192 this morning! Brad weighed this morning and we were exactly the same. My next goal was to weigh less than him. So close I can taste it!

Tomorrow is going to be my free day. I am going to use my free points for everything except exercise and fruits and veggies. We have several graduation parties to attend, so I want to be able to enjoy the food there.

Dog tired!

2009-05-14T22:47:00.001-06:00

I've worked hard all day long today and I'm so ready to hit the sack! I've been doing really well with my eating. I'll be surprised if my weight doesn't drop significantly with this fitness challenge. I hope so!

I redid the walk I hated so much last week today. I had a friend with me, so that was much more fun. It wasn't nearly as bad. My back still hurt, just not as much and it wasn't cold. I haven't run in a while, I hope to get that in tomorrow. Good night!

I'm really liking this

2009-05-12T06:30:00.002-06:00

I woke up early today and got part of my exercise done, read my scriptures and am ready to face the day. I really like this feeling.

When I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing with my time, I just end up not doing important things, like scriptures and journal and even sometimes exercise. With something like this challenge to keep me focused on what I want to be doing, I feel so much more centered and peaceful.

This morning Rachel came upstairs and found me sitting in the recliner, just finishing up with reading my scriptures with the back door open. You could hear the birds chirping and the misty morning air was invigorating. She sat down and we talked for a couple of minutes. Then she said, "It feels like something special is supposed to happen today." I know what she means. It just feels different to have enough sleep and to deliberately start your day off right.

Here's hoping the rest of the day follows this great morning.

One day down, lots to go!

2009-05-11T21:28:00.002-06:00

I completed the first day of my challenge. I think I'm going to have a perfect 10 point day. It is definitely taking some work of the mind to make sure I'm following my plan. I still need to read in my scriptures and get to bed on time.

I am super busy right now with moving and garage sale preparations. We are moving in about 3 weeks and only have a little bit packed so far. Lots of work and physical activity!

I did a full T-tapp workout today. Felt good.

Sometimes exercise sucks

2009-05-09T09:55:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I went for a walk. I walked close to three miles. It was awful. I hated the last half of that walk with a passion. First of all, it was much colder than I realized when I left the house and instead of going back and getting a jacket, I just went ahead and walked. I figured I'd warm up and be fine. Well, the wind had other ideas. Brrr.

On the way back from my turn-around point I was so cold and my back was killing me. I stopped several times to stretch my back out. At one point I even found some grass to lie down on to make my back feel better. It helped. But man, I think that walk was harder than most of my runs--including the longer ones.

Don't know why that is, but sometimes exercise is just harder. Yesterday was one of those days.

Feeling good

2009-05-08T07:50:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling good lately. Not frantic, but just settling into life and for the most part making good choices. My weight has continued to go down bit by bit. I've been at 194 this week.

Next Monday I will start a healthy habits challenge that my sister invited me to do. (It's open to anyone, so holler if you're interested. If you want to be part of the official group, you have to sign up by the 9th.) I'll cut and paste the email I got about it:

Healthy Habits & Wellness Challenge 2009

This is a 12 week Challenge beginning May 11th and ending August 3rd 2009!

DEADLINE - We start this challenge on May 11th - You must be signed up and paid by May 9th @ 12 midnight to participate!

Daily Habits
Each item is worth 1 point, with a possible 10 points per day

1 7 hours of sleep
2 48 oz. water
3 45 minutes of exercise (not necessarily consecutive)
4 2 servings of veggies, 2 servings of fruit
5 No soda, beer, wine, unhealthy snacks, or bad fast food [anything FRIED]
6 No sweets [desserts, pastries and sugary snacks & cereals] * sugar-free alternatives are ok
7 No eating after dinner/8pm
8 15 minutes of scripture reading (or other spiritual text if you don't do scripture)
9 One journal entry (any length)
10 Express sincere appreciation or praise to your spouse (if single, to another person)

Note: You have one free point per category per week. (You may not use a sugar point to have a soda if you have already had soda on a free point. You may also not use an unused journal entry point to skip your exercise. Points are category specific - free points too!)

Exceptions
You are excused from the sweet rule on YOUR BIRTHDAY.
You are allowed three sick days where you are excused from exercising and eating veg/fruit/water [if you can't eat/drink] This is ONLY to be used if you are indeed sick.

PAY to PLAY

This challenge costs $20.00. All paid participants are qualified to win. You must pay to have the ability to win a portion of the kitty. The money is directly paid to a designated PayPal account that is not accessed until the winnings are divided and delivered at the end of the challenge. The more participants the Better! With more of us pulling together the more support we can get and give! So invite your family, friends, and neighbors to join us in this Wellness Challenge and let’s GO! (Simply forward this email to family or friends to invite them!)

Scoring
All scoring is "on your honor." Please update the shared Google spreadsheet each day, or week with your points. I will send you this after you have paid.
There are two categories of winners:

The 3 Challengers with the most points will equally divide 80% of the cash in the Challenge Fund. For example, if there is $500 in the kitty, $400 will be allocated amongst the three players with the most points.

2. All participants with more than 505 points, or 60% of the available points. Because the Wellness Challenge is partly about getting the most points, but mostly about process, any person who gets an average of 6 points or better per day, will have won, and will be eligible for a random giveaway which will be funded by the remaining 20% in the Challenge Fund.

I love this challenge because EVERY person has the ability to get 10 points daily and there are more things to "DO" and not just "DON'T".

The clock is ticking - invite your family and friends and sign-up today!

This is going to be Great!

(end of email)

I'm excited to do this because it will help me focus on some habits I haven't been doing so great on. Yay!

Because one of the items on this list is journal entry, I'll be updating my blog more often. See you soon!

Progress

2009-04-21T06:22:00.000-06:00

My weight was down two pounds this morning. It's still coming back down to where I had been, but down is good.

Weekend

2009-04-20T10:35:00.000-06:00

We had a good weekend. We went as a family on Saturday to the gym so we could all exercise. My back had been hurting, so I wasn't planning on running. We decided to play basketball as a family. We did a couple of dribbling drills down the court, then a race to make a basket in all of the 6 hoops. I ran a couple of races against my kids. I actually worked up a pretty good sweat. Some teenaged guys came in so we had to only use half of the court which slowed us down fitness-wise a bit, but we had a good time.

Then, while I was waiting for my husband and daughter to finish their game of pool, I decided to go walk on the treadmill. Of course I couldn't help myself and ended up running anyway. I went about a mile. At the end I of my workout I like to push it as fast as I'm comfortable. For the first time I pushed it up to 8.0 mph. That was fast and fun!

It was a good family workout and I love getting my family involved in fitness. They love it too.

Ick and Wow!

2009-04-14T07:24:00.003-06:00

I changed my ticker--up. I hate having to do that, but I'm trying to keep it real.

Something weird is going on lately with my eyesight. My right eye is suddenly seeing a lot better than normal. I can actually read things at a distance of five feet or so without my glasses on. That's crazy for me. I am really blind without my glasses normally and usually can't even tell there are words, let alone read them.

I remember reading one time about a woman who's doctor told her that losing weight can improve your eyesight. Something to do with the fat deposits behind your eyes. I don't know. I can't find any info to back that up, but it is a little weird. Cool, but weird. Good thing I am supposed to go in for an eye exam in a few weeks anyway. My contacts are now a bit off--prescription-wise.

I've been running 2 miles as many days a week as I can. Shooting for 6, but last week was only 4. I went yesterday and had to slow to a power walk when my hip began to hurt. That's the first time in a long time that it has bothered me. It wasn't anything major and it doesn't hurt today, but I didn't want to take a chance.

Stuff

2009-04-09T21:37:00.002-06:00

I've been doing great on my running. I rested yesterday, but basically I've been running 2 miles every day. Tonight Brad came and did his own run on a treadmill. I like watching him run. Hubba hubba!

My weight is going up a bit (3-4 pounds). I don't have any good explanation for why. I'm trying to be more careful in my food choices. I know I can do better, though. I think this battle will be a life-long one.

Three days in a row

2009-04-03T17:51:00.003-06:00

I have run two miles every day for three days in a row and I think I'll be able to do it tomorrow as well. It is still a challenge and I still have to talk myself out of quitting a couple of times during the run. But it's not killing me and my hip is still doing fine. Maybe this will help move my weight down the scale a bit faster.

Hello!

2009-04-01T11:27:00.003-06:00

It's certainly been a while since I last posted. Nothing much has changed this month. My weight isn't going up or down, just bouncing around the same five pound range. Today it's at the lower end, so that's good.

I've been frustrated with the stand-still. I have tried on some pants at the store, only to realize I'm not quite as small as I had thought. :( I was also dismayed to find that the capris I wore last year still fit me somewhat. What? I had hoped they'd be falling off me. At least I have a couple of pairs of capris to wear.

So I am trying to be happy with where I am at and trying to continue moving forward. I haven't been exercising as much as I had been which makes me frustrated with myself. Some weeks I'm only getting three days of exercise done when really I need to be doing 5-6 days.

Part of the problem is my hip. Although it hasn't bothered me in a few weeks, it has really slowed me down as far as what I am pushing myself to do. I am still running (just did 2 miles this morning) but not really increasing what I've been doing. I think for a while I'm going to try to do some running every day instead of three longer runs in the week. We'll see how that goes.

I will try to post something on my blog at least once a week. I need to keep myself accountable and on track and this helps a lot.

Woo Hoo! I'm overweight!

2009-03-09T06:57:00.002-06:00

I weighed in at 196 this morning, which puts me at a bmi of 29.8 which is out of the obese range and merely overweight. :)

I have 32 pounds to go before I'm in the normal weight range.

These numbers are all a little silly because they aren't the ultimate authority on how much I should weigh, but it is nice to have some gauge to sort of go by.

The fight against self-doubt and complacency

2009-03-07T10:14:00.004-07:00

I've reached an interesting place in this journey. Things have slowed down weight-loss wise and I'm settling in to my new life and my new body. I struggle from day to day with believing in myself and believing in this process. Weight loss isn’t predictable the way my body does it and I still worry sometimes that I’m doing it wrong. Realistically I think, how can I be doing it wrong, when I've been so amazingly successful? But on the other hand, when the scale is jumping around and the only reason seems to be what I have or haven't done food and exercise-wise, I do begin to doubt that I have a good handle on how to do this.

One thing that I could easily see happening, (but that I'm determined not to let happen) is for me to become satisfied with where I am and stop trying as hard to get this last bit of weight off. I'm wearing a size 14 pants right now. I don't remember the last time I wore a size 14. I think it was in high school. I've lost over 100 pounds and I'm feeling pretty good. But I still have a ways to go and I don't want to just be satisfied with coming this far and not finish what I started. It certainly isn't that I'm not happy with myself and my body--I am. Maybe that's why I worry about this complacency setting in, because I would most certainly feel successful even if this is the end of the journey(which it isn't).

Maybe another thing affecting me is that I can't really picture myself any smaller than I am now. I just haven't ever been within reach of being a size 12, 10 or even smaller. So that self-doubt innocently takes root and could be affecting me in my actions and efforts.

My current eating habits are leaps and bounds above my previous eating habits, but they aren’t perfect and I know there are some improvements I could make if I was motivated enough. This way of eating has served me well enough this far, I keep worrying that it has stopped working and that I’m going to have to give up any food that isn’t perfectly healthy in order to keep going. It’s this fine line I try to walk between feeling like I’m on a diet and deprived, verses eating in a manner that leaves me satisfied and will serve me for the rest of my life. I just don’t trust myself to know where to stop as far as how much I can include before I’m including too much less healthy stuff to lose weight anymore.

I acknowledge that I will probably never be free of the struggle over food. That's okay because I have the tools to beat it.

Head shot comparison

2009-02-16T17:16:00.003-07:00

Running again

2009-02-14T14:44:00.002-07:00

I haven't posted much about my exercise or my eating or my weight loss because not much has changed on those fronts. I've taken a break from running to let my hip heal. I hadn't run since last Wednesday when I went running today (Saturday). After a week and a half off, I was surprised that I was able to run just fine and completed a two-mile run without any trouble. I'm reading the book Chi Running and hope to incorporate some of his techniques soon. I think that will help with injuries or rather help me not become injured.

One Year--Reflections

2009-02-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

I’m finally getting around to writing my review of this last year. My anniversary, or bandiversary as some like to call it was last Sunday, almost a week ago. I have had a lot of thoughts about writing this, but for some reason haven’t felt ready to write it. I think in part because it’s such a personal thing for me, and such a huge thing, that it’s hard to put into words what a difference this year has made in my life. How can words do any justice to how grateful I am and how different I feel? However, I have to try, because I want to share this.

One year ago I was so scared. I was having a life-changing surgery. Firstly I was scared of dying in surgery. I cried and told my husband that if “something happened” I was sorry and that I never meant for that to happen. Thankfully the surgery went off without a hitch. Secondly, I was scared of not succeeding. I was scared of not being able to stick to the new lifestyle and scared of failing.

I started keeping a blog mainly to see for myself any progress I was making. I wanted to share it with my family and very close friends to begin with, but nobody else for a while. As I started really seeing success and seeing that success continue I felt more and more confident and increasingly strong. Before too long I was ready to share my blog publicly. I was (and still am) amazed at the response I get from those who read. I’ve had so many kind and supportive comments as well as people who find my journey inspiring for their own lives. I had never anticipated that and I’m thrilled that my struggles have in any way been able to benefit others.

Now, a year later, I’m 103 pounds lighter. All within 12 months, I’ve seen my weight be in the 300s, 200s and now the top of the 100s. How cool is that? I’ve gone from wearing a 30/32 to almost being able to wear a size 14. I’m more comfortable in a 16 still, but things are a little loose. I’m so happy with my looks right now. I don’t mind having my picture taken and being seen by people I haven’t seen in a while. It’s actually really fun!

I have become a strong and dare I say, athletic person, which is a surprise to me. I have become a runner, even running 6 miles at my longest distance so far. This is incredible to me. I’m working out some hip problems right now, but even today I was able to run 2 miles on the treadmill without it being a huge deal. This is amazing! I will continue to pursue this running journey, because it is so empowering.

I have regained so much of the confidence and exuberance that had been buried underneath all that weight for so many years. I no longer dread going to social gatherings, or running into people. I’m just so happy with where I am.

Doing things is easier, period. Kneeling on the floor, getting in and out of the car, shopping, walking, standing, bending, all of it is so much easier without that extra 100 pounds weighing me down.

I have a little ways left before I’m finished with the weight-loss part of this remaking of myself. I know I can do it and I’m not scared that I am not going to be able to keep the weight off. I have used this Lapband as a tool, not a magic fix. I have worked hard, using the tool to make the work easier, but I have worked very hard. Because of that, I know that I will continue to work hard and take my health and the state of my fitness seriously. It’s not something that will take care of itself. It will be something I have to be vigilant about for the rest of my life, which thanks to this journey will be healthier and longer. I am so blessed. I am so thankful.

Exercise

2009-02-10T15:00:00.002-07:00

So I decided not to do any running on my hip until it feels much better. I went walking on Monday instead of running. I walked two miles on the treadmill and then did 2 miles on a stationary bike. That wasn't very hard, but really I was just killing time until my daughter was done with her basketball class.

I've been wanting to write a big post about my one-year-anniversary which was this last Sunday but I haven't done it yet. I am so grateful for the changes that this year has brought and I honestly feel like a different person in many ways. Hopefully I can get my thoughts down into words in the next little while.

With two days to spare. . .

2009-02-06T06:47:00.002-07:00

. . .I saw 199 on the scale this morning! Onederland! I guess all I needed to do was make a whiny post about how I wasn't losing weight. (Oh, and get a fill.) It may not stick, like my weight usually does, go back up before coming back down, but my goal was to see that number by the year mark and that is this Sunday. I can hardly believe it. :)

I went on Wednesday to get my band adjustment, or fill. He added .3 ccs to my band bringing my total fluid to 6.8, I think. I can tell a difference even on the "straw" diet I'm on. (Anything that can fit through a straw is okay, though I am not supposed to actually use a straw.) It has been taking me a while to even drink water, or Pero, so I know I have more restriction. The big test will be this afternoon when I start adding back in some regular foods. I plan on going slow, though because I don't want to get anything stuck!

My appointment with Dr. Metz was great. He was much more impressed with my weight loss than I had been feeling. He said I'd lost an average of a pound a week since seeing him last. That's definitely an average, because I've been stuck at the same weight for many weeks, so I guess I had a few bigger drops in there that I'm forgetting. Anyway, he was very positive about my progress. He also told me that maybe another 20 pounds and I would be a good healthy weight. I've been planning on another 40 according to the healthy weight charts. He didn't seem to agree with those for ultimate goal planning. We'll have to see how I'm looking and feeling in a few pounds and maybe I'll alter my goal then. What I would really like is to have a size goal and not worry about the numbers, just what size I end up being. I would be happy with a 12, and thrilled with being a size 10.

My hip has been bothering me after running. I saw the chiropractor yesterday and he's going to have me go get some x-rays done of it to make sure that there's nothing "pathologically" wrong with it. I think it has to be pretty severely deteriorated to show up on an x-ray, so I'm not thinking he's going to find anything, but we'll see. He wants me to reduce to 70% of the running I'm doing. So instead of 6 miles on Saturday I should run 4.2. I know my hip will still hurt after that distance, but he told me to ice it, so we'll see if that helps.

So I'm feeling happy today and hopeful that I can finish this journey.

How can I not be losing weight?

2009-02-02T09:12:00.002-07:00

I'm baffled. I fasted half the day yesterday and ran 6 miles on Saturday and my weight is up a pound this morning instead of down. I'm tired of sitting at this same weight. I'm ready to see some new (lower) numbers. Argh. That is all.

6 miles

2009-02-01T14:34:00.002-07:00

I did my long run outside yesterday and it was for 6 miles. I did it. I ran every step of those 6 miles. There is a point (one telephone pole past the yield sign) that is 1 mile away from the entrance to our street, so I ran down and back three times, making 6 miles. It took me about 80 minutes. Whew.

I was really sore afterward yesterday, but today isn't too bad. I did get a blister on my foot, not surprisingly. I would like to order some better running socks online sometime soon.

This week will mark one year from my surgery. Over at lapbandtalk.com we call that your bandiversary. I was hoping to be under 200 by then, but I'm still a few pounds away. I will be getting a fill this week so that may help, but either way, I'm happy with where I am and confident that my weight will continue to go down as long as I'm doing the right things. Plateaus happen and life goes on.

5 miles, Baby!

2009-01-24T13:41:00.003-07:00

I ran 5 miles on the treadmill today. It took me over an hour. I don't know my exact time because I had to reset the machine a couple of times. It was 67 minutes or so, I think. Anyway, totally crazy, but I did it! I feel good and sore.

Checking in

2009-01-23T16:39:00.003-07:00

Not a whole lot happening here on the weight loss front. I'm not losing much, not gaining, just kind of hanging out here at my 100 pound mark. I think I'm going to get a fill in February. I still have times when I'm pretty tight, but I also have a lot more hunger than I'd like, so hopefully a fill can help me with that.

I'm doing great with my running. I'm going to run 5 miles tomorrow which will be huge for me. It will have to be on the treadmill since the weather turned very cold today.

Hope everyone else is doing great.

Great article

2009-01-14T17:05:00.001-07:00

I just read this article and really appreciated the sound advice.

Collar Bones

2009-01-12T19:09:00.006-07:00

Okay, so I was looking at this month's progress picture compared to the last one I took and wanted to show you the difference in my collar bones. I think it's quite noticeable. The one on the left is in October, the right on January. I think my face looks different too. There's about a ten pound difference between the two. (Yes, my weight loss has slowed down quite a bit.)

And just to remind us all of where I came from, where the differences aren't as subtle:
February 2008 and January 2009 with 100 pounds lost. I look like someone pumped me up with a bicycle tire pump or something. I don't ever want to see that woman in the mirror again--and I won't!

Progress Pictures Finally!

2009-01-12T17:29:00.003-07:00

I haven't taken official progress pictures in a couple of months because we've been busy and frankly, I haven't seen a ton of difference. So here are the latest of me in regular clothes. I will add the ones in my official before clothes to the slideshows at the right. Enjoy!

I think my pinky might be sticking out in the side shot! Silly habit.

Hey, remember me? I'm your band.

2009-01-09T12:40:00.002-07:00

Sometimes my band really reminds me that it's there. Yesterday at lunch I either at too fast, too much, or didn't chew properly, but the chicken breast I was eating came back up. I haven't had that happen since last spring sometime. I'm grateful that it doesn't happen more often. I try to be careful, but I'm not always as careful as I should be and things do get stuck. It usually passes after a few uncomfortable minutes. I haven't had my food come back up in what bandsters call a productive burp very often at all. I don't know why they call it a burp because it's certainly a lot more than a burp to me. It feels like vomiting, though a bit less strain on my body.

Anyway, after the chicken incident, I consumed only liquids or soft foods the rest of the night. Even though I prefer not to do that, it is a nice little reminder that the band is there and this is serious stuff.

I don't know that I ever reported on the holidays. I was back to my pre-Christmas weight pretty much within a couple of days after New Year's. I did enjoy myself and indulge in things I don't normally eat, so I'm happy with the results. I'm only one pound away from my all-time low of 203 and that 100 pounds lost mark again. (On the up side, unfortunately.) That's how weight loss happens for me normally, a jump down, then back up and then slowly back down. Even without the holidays, so I was expecting it.

Lenthening my stride and squaring my shoulders

2009-01-06T07:29:00.002-07:00

Literally.
I've decided to train for a half-marathon along with some friends and my sister. I'm a little nervous about whether or not I can actually do it, but I'm going to try. The training schedule I'm using actually has me running just 2 mile runs for a couple of weeks before increasing. I'm fine with that at this point.

I've realized/decided/had it pointed out to me that my posture has become a real problem. I knew it was bad and hated seeing myself in profile pictures. I just chalked it up to being able to actually see my spine again since I had posture troubles before I got heavy. That is true to an extent, but the chiropractor told me when he saw me last week that my posture is significantly worse than it was 6 weeks ago when he saw me. I find that alarming. So, I'm doing some research into what I can do to correct my bad posture, and the hump in my upper back. I think running is making it worse, so as I'm running I'm trying to concentrate on better posture.

One thing I learned in my internet search yesterday is that making sure your head is above your spine is important. First and foremost your spine needs to be able to take the weight of your head, not have your shoulder muscles trying to hold it up as it is forward of your body. A head is really heavy, so I totally get that concept. So this is my next quest. . to have better posture and less back pain.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas!

2008-12-26T17:00:00.003-07:00

We had a wonderful time. The kids had a blast and it was fun to just watch them.

I decided to enjoy my holiday, treats and all, so I did. My band really helped me not eat a whole lot. It was a little frustrating not being able to eat my favorite Cardamom Bread, and getting full on the pork roast so fast, but all in all it was great. I was grateful to have the band to keep me reigned in a bit.

I've done great on my exercise. Today was particularly interesting. It was actually very invigorating. It was about 60 degrees today, so I ran outside. The exciting part is that there were 30 mph winds. It was crazy. I was aware that it was windy before I left, but it wasn't too bad the first half of the run--until I turned around, that is. The wind was coming from the side, but also from behind me a little so that when I turned around it was coming from the side, but also the front a little. I felt like I had someone tugging me backwards while I was running forwards. There were times I was almost running in place against the wind. It was hard, but awesome. I ran a total of 3.48 miles and walked another half with my warm-up and cool-down. I don't think I've run that far yet, so that's pretty great.

I think I may do a long walk tomorrow. I miss walking. It's totally different to me than running and I really enjoy it. We'll see what tomorrow brings. A cold front, supposedly, so I won't be outside most likely.

Major Milestone!

2008-12-21T07:18:00.003-07:00

As of this morning I have lost 100 pounds! I'm so excited. 203, baby. If I follow normal patterns, my weight will go back up a couple pounds for a few days and then in another week or two I'll be back down to where I am now. But whatever. I'm at 203! I skipped 204. What an amazing day.

Yesterday we were cleaning out our closet and I started trying on some more clothes. I'm in a size L or 14 on top and still a 16 on the bottom. I also am able to fit into the dress my mom wore to my wedding and I'm wearing it to church today. It's a beautiful burgundy dress. It will fit me better in a few pounds, but I'm wearing it today anyway. It is a size 14.

I'm almost to my 11-months-from-surgery mark. I can't believe it's been that long. February 8th was my surgery date. So much has happened this year and I'm so grateful.

Yesterday I went to the GAC again and figured out that the treadmill I've been using defaults on an incline of 2. That's why it's been harder for me to run on it and why I haven't been running as fast as I'd like. I'm used to running with no incline. I'll have to see how I do next time with it on 0 incline. Maybe I'm stronger than I realize.

GAC

2008-12-18T07:29:00.003-07:00

The GAC is the Goodland Activities Center. It's like a local YMCA but very small. We're now members, so I can use the facilities to run. I have to time my workouts right, though because early mornings and evenings are apparently very busy. I went running on Tuesday and the place was full by the time I left.

My weight is creeping down again. It's been bouncing around so much with traveling and stuff, but I'm at a new low of 205 today. :) 98 pounds lost. I'm getting so close to that 100-lbs-lost mark as well as the Under-200 mark.

Good for you, Jogger!

2008-12-11T14:33:00.002-07:00

When we were kids, we used to laugh at joggers, mocking them. My mom got us to change that into yelling out the window, "Good for you, Jogger!" I remembered this story as I was doing my run today and could totally picture my mom, looking down from heaven and cheering me on, "Good for you, Jogger!"

Today was the first time I ran outside since the Turkey Trot. I love running outside. I love the fresh air and the wind to cool my sweat. Just love it. However, my time isn't as fast outside as it is on the treadmill.

Speaking of treadmills, I've begun to wonder if different treadmills are calibrated differently. When I run on one I can run at setting 5.5 mph, then a few days later I run on a different one and I can only handle about a 4.5. I know that my body has fluctuations in strength and endurance, but when I'm on various machines, it almost seems that it is a difference in the machine. Who knows. Bottom line is that I'm still doing it. The race came and went and I'm still running. That is amazing and awesome.

I've also had really tight muscles on the backs of my legs, (sorry, not looking up which muscles those are) to the point that when I do my after-running stretch I can't straighten them like I was able to a little while ago. I haven't been doing T-tapp as much as I used to, I think that might be part of it. I'm back on track with T-tapp right now, so I think it'll help. Plus, I'm increasing stretching after my run.

The rest of my trip

2008-12-07T16:49:00.002-07:00

We went to St. Louis, well St. Charles, for our Thanksgiving. We made a good long trip out of it and stayed with my sister for 9 days. It was wonderful and went way too quickly.

Cyndi (my sister) and I did a pretty good job of keeping up our workouts while we were there. We ran together one day before the race, then we did the race, we also did a Work out after you Pig Out at the YMCA. That was 2 1/2 hours of aerobics/weights/etc. It was awesome and I was amazed that I could keep up for the most part. I have a hard time on the floor workouts, but overall I was happy with my performance. We also did another aerobic workout at a class at the Y and ran 5k a couple more times while we were there. I also did my t-tapp video a couple of times.

I wasn't as great with my eating during the trip and was overall disappointed in myself on that front. It's just so much fun to enjoy great food when with my family that it's hard to break that habit. All in good time, I suppose.

We had a get-together with a lot of good friends that we knew while we lived there in St. Louis. It was so fun to see people and reconnect. I had a lot of really positive feedback about my weight loss. That was fun. At church, one friend didn't even recognize me. I said hello to her and gave her a hug and another friend leaned over and said, "It's Melissa!" She was flabbergasted. She said I looked familiar but she honestly didn't know who I was. I have certainly changed.

One great highlight was clothes shopping. We went into Dress Barn and were looking around on the racks. We started to wander over to the plus size department when the sales woman told us in almost a warning voice, "That's the plus size." as if we didn't belong there.

Then, when we were in Fashion Bug, the saleslady asked if we were looking for anything specific. I told her dresses, and she said, "Okay, you'll be over here in the Misses department." I've never had that happen before! Made my day.

I really enjoyed the trip and all the fun and new things that I experienced with my new size. I swelled up in my feet and legs quite a bit, so I'm waiting until that subsides to determine how my weight loss/gain ended up from the trip. I don't think I fared too bad. I'll let you know.

More on the Amazing Race

2008-12-07T16:15:00.011-07:00

My friend told me at church today that she's been waiting for updates on my blog, so I guess I'd better get down to business and write about my wonderful trip and how things went. I'll dedicate this entry to the race.

We got to the YMCA and picked up our numbers and shirts. The numbers have a tracking chip in them so they can accurately tell when you start and stop the race. The longer we were there, the more nervous I got because it looked like I was way out of my league! There were a lot of serious runners there. There were a lot of people in the race in general and I felt like someone was going to start singing, "Which one of these things is not like the other?" I was intimidated. I told my sister that had I been able to see that moment, I wouldn't have entered the race.

We milled around a bit and started moving toward the starting line. Well, really we just started following the crowd, assuming it would get us to where we needed to be. Here is the crowd we waited with, all of them in the race.

Brad, who had all three of our kids plus my nephew, had gone to park the car and we didn't have much hope of finding him. I just hoped he'd find me at the finish line. As we started off, we saw him off to the side and he got a couple of pictures.

Here's the starting line from Brad's perspective. The serious runners are up front.

And off we went. It was probably 5 or 10 minutes later that we passed Brad. That's me and my sister in the crowd.

You can see us better in this cropped shot:

We started off uphill. Cyndi, who is a faster runner immediately surged ahead. I found my comfortable pace and just got in my own little groove. As we started, the faster runners went on ahead and what was left behind were people more in my league. I felt better at that point.

A few minutes into the race I saw people running on what looked like a different track of a different race. I quickly realized that those were the front runners in our race, coming back around after doing a turnaround. Wow, just wow. Some people are really fast.

I ran the entire way. I was surprised how many people walked parts or all of it. Several people had their dog with them. I saw one girl in a wheelchair being pushed and wheeling herself. There were several children running with parents. There were some strollers.

I realized as we pulled in for the race that I had forgotten my music. I always feel like I need my music to run, so I was really bummed. But as we ran, I was glad to be able to listen to those around me and just take in the whole experience.

Toward the end of the race I surprised myself with a burst of speed up a hill as I passed a whole bunch of people. They passed me again a short time later on our downhill, but still, it was a fun moment.

I saw my sister who had already finished cheering me on right before I crossed the finish line. Brad and the kids were there waiting for me. Here's a picture of me just after I was done running.

They gave us water to drink. Here we are just after I finished.

It was a really cold morning. The poor kids were freezing and the babies, specifically mine, were fussing pretty good. We went to find out our results and get the food they provided, bagels and cream cheese and Sunny D to drink. Here's the result page with my result on it:

You should be able to click on it to get it to open larger. It says I placed 1905th, that my age is 36, that my chip time was 39:05 which is the time registered from the chip in my number. It also shows that my pace was 12:36 per mile. Pretty cool stuff.

I'm really glad I did the race. It wasn't all that hard in the actual doing of the running. It was just amazing to be part of it I didn't even really focus on the hills we were doing or the distance, I just did it.

Thanks, Cyndi, for doing it with me. I wouldn't have done it without you. Thanks Brad for supporting me and cheering me on. I love you guys.

The Amazing Race

2008-11-27T09:39:00.002-07:00

I did it!
Cyndi and I ran the Turkey Trot today in Chesterfield, Missouri. There were a lot of people there. I think over 7000. I finished in 39:05 minutes. I'll have to look and see which place and everything, but I was really proud of myself. Cyndi finished a lot faster than I did, she did great. I told her that my goal for next year is to beat her. That would take a lot of work, and she, of course, would have to work not very hard to allow me to catch up with her. :)

Anyway, it's off to the showers and then to finish cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I'll post pictures soon!

I'm ready

2008-11-22T22:56:00.002-07:00

Today was the last time I will run before going to St. Louis for Thanksgiving. I completed the 5K again. I didn't hate it as bad as last time. One difference was this was outside and the other one was inside on the treadmill. I am finishing in right about 40 minutes. My goal for the Turkey Trot run is to finish in under 40 minutes. 39:50 would be fine with me.

I had a skinny day today. Kind of like a good hair day or bad hair day, I tend to have good body days or bad body days. I felt thinner today than yesterday. (Even though my weight had fluctuated up a bit.) I've been having lots of fat days lately, it's good to have a thin day. I'm sitting here thinking this is probably normal for normal-weight people. I've just been so big that all my days were obviously fat days. At the size I was, you don't have days where you feel small. I didn't feel smaller until I had lost a significant amount of pounds, like 40-50, I think. I'll have to go back and re-read my blog, but it was a lot.

I had some car trouble at Wal-mart today. I had to run and pick up just one thing and so I left the kids home. My oldest is almost 11, so they are fine for a few minutes. When I came out of the store my car wouldn't start. I live about 1 mile from Wal-mart and for once I wasn't worried about how I was going to get home. I knew I could easily walk home, or even run home for that matter. I was just worried about my car and how we're going to get it home (and then to St. Louis!) It was a great realization of just how far I've come. The car is fine, Brad wiggled some connections and we're in business again. Also, thanks to my sweet friend for helping me jump start and get myself home!

That reminds me of another experience I haven't written about yet. A week or so ago, we were working in the back yard, raking leaves and cleaning out the garden and this same sweet friend was there as well. She got in her car to leave (we have a driveway running along the side of our yard) and I wasn't sure if she had seen my toddler who was heading to the area right behind her car. He was standing face to face with her taillights as she started the car. I yelled to her and I think she raised her hand in acknowledgment, but when your toddler is practically kissing someone's taillights, you don't assume anything, you just move. I ran across the yard and scooped him up. Our friend pulled out and we waved. Brad said to me, "Wow, you moved fast." I hadn't even given it a second thought. This is the true reason I had this surgery, for things that really matter--to be able to rush to help your child.

My second child was a very challenging toddler and as a result I didn't go out with her if I could help it. If she bolted in the store, I knew I wouldn't be able to catch her. I knew that I couldn't stop her from running in front of that car, or just getting so far away from me that she'd be lost. That's not to say that being fit will insure that you will be able to prevent these things, but it does make your chances better.

What?

2008-11-21T07:00:00.002-07:00

I stepped on the scale this morning and was really hoping to see 208 again. It was holding at 208 and then it jumped to 206! I weighed again to make sure and it was definitely 206. It's good to see those numbers moving again. I've been eating better and exercising pretty hard, so it makes sense. Yay! Like always, we'll see if it sticks.

After running yesterday I came home and told Brad, "I hate running!" I really don't enjoy it a whole lot. The only reason I'm doing it is to get good exercise in and to get stronger. I think most of the times I go running I have this internal battle of trying to justify some reason I can stop after 1 mile, or 1.5 miles, or 2 miles, by the time I'm close to 3 miles I stop arguing with myself, but it's an internal struggle most of the time. I guess I wouldn't be growing as much if I wasn't doing something that is hard for me. I just had to admit that, though--That I sometimes think I hate running.

Hello again!

2008-11-20T06:49:00.001-07:00

To my surprise I saw 208 again this morning. I'm relieved to be back down to where I was a few weeks ago. I didn't do anything drastic this time to get here, so I believe it will stick.